Lesson for the slow learner me about Tawakkal

Lesson for the slow learner me about Tawakkal, when he was about 5, playing at a club pool, his non-swimming 4 year old sister was pushed into the pool by another boy.  When I asked why didn't he retaliate by pushing the boy into the pool for doing so to his sister. His answer taught me a lesson in tawakkal and redha. "I could push him into the pool but he was smaller than me. I didn't want him to get hurt".  It struck me then, to reflect when people hurt me not physically at work or in life, I should leave it to Allah unless there is something I can do without hurting anyone. Allah can put it in front of me, He can take it back. Allah gave me a lesson through a 5 year old boy.

I remember about this time 3 years ago, when I sat nervously, my eyes fixed on flightradar24 screen on my laptop.  My first nephew, Azad was travelling to begin a new chapter of his life, venturing into a foreign land to study at South Hampton University in the UK study and widen his horizons.  Why am I thinking of this? Missing my nephews and nieces is usual as they are my love and joy.  My worry over them is unconditional but often unnecessary. Have I no trust in Allah?  I am a person who worry a lot and often had to quickly brush my pessimistic thoughts with positive thoughts that all will good.

Azad was just fresh from secondary school. Lanky kid with kind, gentle smile and innocent look of his youth. In my eyes, I see my nephew in the BA flight still a little boy of seven, thin and frail with eyes that make him looks both wondering and uninterested.  He has always been a very kind person, something that gives him in a special spot in my heart.  Once 

My elder sister and her husband has paid the university fees and accommodation at the university college for the first term.  With only 200 British pounds in his pocket and his ticket that he bought online, my nephew had to fly to Heathrow, get on a bus or train to South Hampton and from there to get on a bus to the University for registration and subsequently get on a bus to his college for checking in.  He has never travelled abroad alone.  I was worried if his money was not enough.

My stomach was knotted, my heart pounding, I was worried if his money was not enough.  My waking moment has all been making silent prayers for Allah to protect him, make everything smooth and easy for him.  I booked flight to for myself and Adham tickets to see him at the earliest possible time which was a very long 4 weeks later. (I had to wait for Adham's school Eid Adha holiday. On another note, Eid in Doha is never fun).  I reasoned my worry with the fact that others may see him as a mature confident young man.  But, I know his weaknesses and part of his strengths. I prayed that his weaknesses would never undermine his strengths.

It was my first trip to the UK.  Excited and nervous, together with my hyperactive 3 year old Adham, soldiering my weak de Quervain syndrome wrists with my cervical spine in constant background pain, we flew to Heathrow.  My Ortho had earlier given me steroid injections in my shoulders which helped to black out pain in my arms for about 6 months.  My old university friend whom I haven't met for 26 years was waiting for us together with her wonderful family and drove us to Birmingham.  On the way, she brought us to the must stop for all tourist, the designer outlet shops in Bicester village. (Pronounced "Bister" for some reason.  Give me a break. I got to glimpse at how affluent people shop when they go shopping with my little Arab money in my purse).  Subhanallah.  Wonderful friendships is indeed a huge rezki and rahmah.

My main reason to be in Birmingham was to get Azad to meet me so that I would see how he is with my own eyes and speak to him in person.

On the Eid Adha Day, my friend's husband fetched him home at Birmingham bus station. Alhamdulillah.  Indeed, he was fine and doing well. Alhamdulillah, to see Azad in front of me all grown up and to hear about his activities was like a huge burden lifted of my chest.  It was great to know that her had been doing his solah as usual, had no asthma attack since arrival, made a few friends and even played football.  He did buy a wrong ticket to Birmingham and ended up travelling later in a bus and paying more for it and still have 50 pounds left in his pocket.  Two days later, we parted for him to return to university while Adham and I would travel to Heathrow to catch our flight back to Doha.

Allah sent his rahmah in many ways. While waiting for the bus to depart, the bus driver must have noticed the concerned look on my face and correctly read my mind. He cheerfully soothed my worry with assuring words that Azad will be alright.  I flew back to Doha the next day with heavy heart leaving my friends and satisfied that my nephew is ok and all I can do now is leave him in the care of Allah.  But we still need to tie the camel before we leave them. Unbeknown to my sister, I left him a few hundred pounds for emergencies and asked him to buy himself good shoes and jacket for the approaching winter.

"Indeed, We have sent down the reminder, and indeed, We of it (are) surely Guardians."

إِنَّا نَحْنُ نَزَّلْنَا الذِّكْرَ وَإِنَّا لَهُ لَحَافِظُونَ

I silently read surah AlHijr (15:9) as a doa and reminder to myself  as Azad was getting on the bus. He will always be in my doa.  He doesn't owe me anything as I am privileged to have him in my life and may Allah love me and Adham for loving him. 

What I did for my nephew was ikhlas from my heart.  MasyaAllah, I had another gift from Allah during the Eid break.  My little Adham had toilet trained himself without any difficulty.  Thank you Allah.  I know I have to put my trust in You.  I have no choice but I worry if You consider me have not given my best effort before I submit to you with tawakkal. You sent me lessons through many people and humbling experiences.  Please make me use the lessons to be a better person and not forget them.  I came home with a big pack of unused diaper in my luggage.